As one of the many construction projects we have going right now, we are replacing our fence between our property & our neighbor's property. Let's call her Alma. We get along well with Alma, and are paying for the fence. We've discussed it with her, are building a retaining wall to better support her property sliding onto our property, and replacing the fence that is 20+ years old & falling apart. We did discuss fence design with Alma & color, but there was a misunderstanding. The fence started going up yesterday, and Alma came over & was very upset, yelling at Sam (our 14 year old.) Sam got M, & Alma expressed how upset she was about the fence design & color. Fair enough, we all have different taste & preferences. We're not sure if she didn't understand or hear us correctly when we chatted about it the few times before, but in hindsight, given her not fantastic
age (hearing), probably should have provided photos, etc. *Edit, an astute reader pointed out that I was being judgmental about her age, and should have specified that given her hearing, I should have erred on the side of providing photos, just to ensure she didn't miss any of the details.*
Alma told Sam that we were taking advantage of an old lady, which made him cry, as she was very agitated & yelling. In front of Sam, she also told M that "because you're not from this country, you don't know what a fence looks like. In our country, that looks like a barn." There were a few other references to M not being born in the US...
It's really a very positive thing that I was not home when all of this played out. M gave her feedback that a difference in taste & opinion could happen between anyone, and where he was born was not relevant. They ended things in a "good" place, with us agreeing to pay our contractor to put the old falling down fence back up - behind our fence, if she ends up not liking the new fence design.
Words matter. It's okay to disagree, and have a respectful conversation with someone else about how you prefer a fence to look, which stain to use, and which material you like best. All are totally fine. By bringing up where M was born, the conversation took a very different turn. M handled is so much better than I would, but it really upset the kids. And me.
So, with that, on to my menu for the week, because if I dwell too long in the space of thinking about that, it is upsetting.
Saturday - tacos & pico de gallo (we didn't end up having this yesterday, as planned)
Sunday - cauliflower chicken piccata
Monday - meatballs & garlic bread + salad
Tuesday - burgers
Wednesday - leftover tacos
Thursday - baked chicken & salad
Friday - pepperoni pizza