Work is really overwhelming right now (more on that later, but the long story made very short . . my discipline isn't valued very much by the organization I work in. My manager & her manager value our work, but every day feels like a need to justify your existence. It's very grating.) M's work is also challenging, and I'm exhausted by life.
The last time M & I got away without the kids was a year ago for our 10th anniversary. When we lived in Seattle, we had help much more frequently from my parents, my best friend, my sister, etc. M & I have a lot of hard decisions to make (where we are living, jobs, etc), and a crazy busy life, and no time to connect. We need time away to bond & connect & also to talk about all of our future plans & goals.
Over the weekend, I tried to talk myself out of planning anything for the two of us. There are many reasons not to. We are going to Hawaii as a family in November. I'm thrilled, but M & I will obviously have zero away time, as one of us will be with the kids at all times. We are also spending time with the family at the holidays. Ditto above. I'm so, so blessed to have the money & flexibility to have these trips, and I'm grateful. But, I need husband time.
It's not the most frugal decision I've ever made, but I decided to take advantage of my mom's newly retired status, and fly her & my dad here for a long weekend. The flights were $150/each, which is the lowest you can find. They will fly in on a Wednesday, and I can skip childcare on Thursday. I don't have childcare on Friday ever (sigh, my nanny) & the nanny has already cancelled for Monday as it's Halloween. My parents are thrilled to see the boys, and my mom has been struggling to adjust to her newly retired status. The boys are thrilled.
M & I debated all of the options, and want to stay close (aka no flying involved). I have platinum status at the Ritz, Marriott & Starwood properties, so I think we'll stay at the Ritz Carlton in Half Moon Bay for two nights. It's a huge splurge, & I think we're going to go for it. I may change my mind & book something less expensive. We'll see.
We have enough money to do this. It's hard to find the time & energy to spend time together, & I want to make it happen. We are both very excited about our time away! And now, nosy questions. How often do you have time with your spouse? How often do you actually get away from the kids for an overnight?
I think sometimes you just have to do it. SO many of us worry about money and then don't spend it on the things that we should. And quality time with your husband is money well spent.
ReplyDeleteWhen the kids were little we were very blessed, our inlaws lived about 10 minutes away and loved taking them. Having the cash to escape was another matter all together. LOL
We have the cash & no time/family. So, I'm going to trade the cash for the time (flying my family in!) whatever works. You are right - it's worth it to have time with your spouse!
DeleteHaven't had the money since my kids were little. They are now 22 and 19 and we are paying for college. Cheryl
ReplyDeleteSame!! Although without them at home we have plenty of alone time. DeeCee
DeleteHope you get a chance to do little/inexpensive things together, now that the kids are in college!
DeleteWe have never done an overnight away from the kids, (not counting if one or the other was in the hospital). For us, we find times when they are in bed asleep, or we try to sneak in dates whenever my sister is home from college so she can watch the kids. There are very few people that I trust with my children. So we haven't had a kid free overnight in 10 years. LOL Now we don't have the money to do one even if we wanted to.
ReplyDeleteYou are great to make it happen when the kids are asleep. In our current house, you can hear everything. It's not a great layout. Also, due to the lupus, I go to bed at the same time as the kids, like a major lame-o. ;-)
DeleteYou totally make enough to afford this - and yes, you definitely need it. Although hubby and I are around each other 100% of the time we need to get away just to relax and shut the business "off" although it does creep in occassionally. This is a necessity!! What and where you choose to spend your money on is your choice and don't feel guilty for it - experiences are the best money spent ever!
ReplyDeleteYou're correct. It's both time together, but also time together to relax & not be focused on work, kids, the house, chores, etc. Both need to happen!
DeleteGood for you for planning this. At some point and time your kids will be gone and retirement comes also. When the career and children are not your focus, what is left is the two of you. I don't consider it a splurge, but rather an investment in your futures.
ReplyDeleteOur sons are all adults now so we could go wherever we wanted to, but TheHub has an ugly mistress, his very demanding job.
So true - it's really hard to make it a priority with everything else on our plates, but we need it for our communication & marriage. Sorry to hear about your husband's job. I'm all too familiar with that challenge.
DeleteWe try to do one overnight a year... usually just a night or two. Sometimes we meet up with other kid less friends, we often try to explore a city nearby we haven't seen yet (we went to London once too, because i was there for work anyway :)). It's really important to take a break, enjoy each other, and reconnect. Especially when you work and travel and all of it. Have fun and don't stress over a few thousand. Your marriage is important!
ReplyDeleteIt is really important, you are correct. Sometimes I just forget about it, between everything else that happens. Love your plan to do at least an overnight a year. Something to count on & look forward to!
DeleteI'm happy for you. While I too didn't have money when kids were young, I didn't have the work schedule you have. This is well deserved.
ReplyDeleteCan't believe we've been here 3 years! The lack of family support is starting to show for sure. Before, I was so deep into everything, I hadn't realized how hard it is to find time to get away. Now that my mom is retired, it's freed up a bunch of options!
DeleteWhen my sister lived close, she gave us 2 nights a month and it was wonderful! Sometimes, we rented a cabin about 4 hours away, but others it was just nice to be at home.
ReplyDeleteNow, she is gone and we get none really. We are currently visit my mother-in-law and staying in our RV while they kids stay with her. However, from sun-up to after sun down, we are with them, so it doesn't feel like we are getting time away.
My kids are older though, so we can go have dinner while they stay home. It isn't enough, but it is something.
I say, splurge - take the weekend, sleep in together, talk, and relax. YOU SOOOOOOO NEED THIS!
What a wonderful gift that your sister gave you! I miss so much having time alone without the kids at the house! We don't have any way of making this happen, but I would love it. We used to have a date night option in Seattle that was pretty inexpensive, and you dropped the kids off for 5 hours. We'd often go home & just make dinner & watch a movie at home. It was super relaxing.
DeleteWe are doing it! Super excited about it.