Official diagnosis & plans

The doctor confirmed what I already knew - I have lupus. SLE, which is the systemic, autoimmune disease kind.

I was pretty mentally prepared for the diagnosis, but that didn't make today any easier. I'm going to be starting on the gentlest form of medicine as a three month trial. Based on my symptoms at that point, I'll either stay on that or move to the next type of medicine. They all have risks, of course, but the one I'll be taking initially is the safest. I'm also looking into an anti-inflammatory diet, which was recommended to me. It's very similar to how I eat now, with some additional tweaks.

There are a lot of changes to consider in the next few months. I cancelled my big 12 person, 200 mile relay this summer, which just about broke my heart this afternoon. Running this last year was an incredible, amazing experience.

The irony that I ran my first half marathon last year, on Mother's Day, is not lost on me. This year, I'll be getting a massage and hanging with my fun boys. Maybe partaking in a family bike ride, depending on the weather. And Sharon, for a Persian feast, my husband will make traditional kebabs, rice that has a potato "crust", and a yogurt sauce similar to tzatiki, as well as skewered tomatoes. You stack the beef on the rice, add a tomato & squish the juices, serve with the yogurt sauce. It's amazing. :-)

Last year - a bucket list item. My first half marathon!

I thought there were many more in my future, but I'm happy that I at least experienced the satisfaction and thrill of crossing the finish line.

Things I wish I would have done before this week:

• Run a marathon. Again, bucket list, never made it happen.
• Complete a triathlon. Registered and trained for one a decade ago, but it was scheduled for the weekend after 9/11 and was cancelled. Never tried again.
• Purchased portable life insurance. Yes, this is something I mentioned many times as something I needed to do on my blog. And, I didn't do it. Now I'm stuck with life insurance through my employer. Should I want to/need to leave, I'm out of luck. I'm very, very disappointed with myself for not following through and getting things in order.
• Had a third child? I don't know how I feel about this one, but I wish the option was still open. Nothing like someone telling you that you can't/shouldn't do something for it to really appeal. ;-)

I'm now in the "moving forward" phase, where I'm going to think through my life and everything that I spend my time and energy on. Things that are not of high value are getting cut. My time and energy is precious, & I want to have enough energy to do the things I enjoy and be a great mom and wife.

I'm not sure what's going to happen with my job. I know that right now, my workload is not sustainable. I also know that my health insurance is amazing, I've been with the company for 15 years, & I've devoted a heck of a lot of my life and passion there. It's not the kind of place where you can scale and moderate - you're either all in giving 100%, or you're not. It's INCREDIBLY competitive, and I've always been a star performer. I don't quite know how to rationalize that now.

I'm also thinking of starting a healthy living blog for people with lupus - from diagnosis, medicine, food, exercise, etc. I've been looking for similar blogs & can't find anything, so maybe others would find it helpful. We'll see if it makes the "energy level" cut. :-)

Thanks for all of the positive thoughts over the past week.

Things on my to do list this week:

1. Get more up-to-speed on my health care plan at work. I haven't needed it much, so time to get nitty gritty on my coverage.
2. Make an appointment with an eye doctor. It's required for taking the medicine I'm starting, as there is a small risk of going blind. Oh boy.
3. Re-adjust all of our summer plans based on some updates to the schedule.
4. Re-run our financial numbers for a variety of employment scenarios.
5. Find some good, low-impact workouts. I've been walking so far, which has been awesome.

What's on your to do list this week? Do you have portable (i.e. not through your employer) life insurance? If not, what are you waiting for?! Go out there & get some! :-)